Bearing the Burdens
by Browncoat Gater
Summary: Dr. Rodney McKay goes to deliver some bad news only to discover some hidden feelings for a certain lieutenant. Season 3 spoilers up to Sunday then goes pretty much AU from there. Chapter 4: rating jump. McKadman
1. Bearing the Burdens

**Disclaimer:** Stagate Atlantis is solely the property of MGM. I stake no claim to it in any way.

**Author's Notes: **This is my first Atlantis Fanfic. I was never any good in English class so you'll have to excuse any bad grammer and/or punctuation.

* * *

A heavy mist hung over the small Colorado Springs neighborhood as the black car pulled up in front the small white house. Looking out through the windshield, the somber Dr. Rodney McKay watched as a woman walked her dog and man checked his mail. He had only just lost his best friend, Dr. Carson Beckett and helped return the body of his fallen comrade back to Earth and back to his homeland, Scotland… 

_Flashback_

_Rodney made his way down the petunia lined path that led to a modest, but quaint house. It was as beautiful as Carson had described it, but Rodney only wished that his first visit to the Beckett home had been under happier circumstances. Stopping at the wooden door he closed his eyes and prayed once again to wake up from this terrible nightmare he was stuck in. When his eyes opened the wooden door remained._

_Taking a deep breath, Rodney gave the door a couple knocks before letting his hand drop back down to his side. It seemed like an eternity passed in the two minutes it took for the door to open and reveal the petite form of an older woman he recognized as Carson's mother. A couple more minutes passed before Rodney realized that she was waiting for him to speak._

_"Mrs. Beckett, my name is Rodney…Dr. Rodney McKay. I regret…" The feelings of sorrow and guilt began to creep back up into his throat as he watched the tears begin forming in the woman's eyes just as they were in his. "I regret to inform you…"_

_End Flashback_

Stepping out of the car, Rodney found himself staring at the home of Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Laura and Rodney had a unique relationship to say the least. At times the two could hardly tolerate each other, especially after having shared his body for a time, but Rodney knew Laura had been close to Carson, even after she had returned to Earth the pair had remained friends. Of everyone in two galaxies who could be here at this moment, he knew he had to be the one to tell her.

All seemed so quiet, so peaceful as he slowly made his way up the front walk. After everything he had done…, helping Earth during Anubis' harmonic energy pulse attack on the 'gate; defending Atlantis from the Genii, the Wraith, the Replicators; and facing his own demise more times than he'd care to remember, …it was this arduous mission he now had the worst time facing. Carson was gone and there was nothing he could do to change that bitter fact.

_What am I doing here... _Rodney paused at the door where took a moment to adjust the tie that now seemed to be choking him, before raising a shaky hand to press the white doorbell button. The muffled chime seemed almost enough to distract him.

_Flashback _

_"Rodney, will you stop that..."_

_"Huh...?" Turning around he looked confused as he stared at the man who had spoken. _

_Lt. Col. John Sheppard sat at the small table in McKay's temporary quarters at the SGC. "The pacing. Just watching you is starting to make me dizzy."_

_"Oh, sorry." Moving over Rodney sat in the chair opposite the colonel. The pair sat in silence for a short time before McKay rose and once again began his pacing. "I have to tell her."_

_Now it was John's turn to look confused. He hadn't a clue who Rodney could be talking about. They had only been back on Earth for a few days, ever since bringing Carson's body back following the memorial service back on Atlantis, and had just returned from the home of Carson's mother in Scotland. Looking at the scientist, "Who?"_

_Turning to face Sheppard,"Cadman. I have to be the one to tell her."_

_"Rodney..." _

_"No, Colonel." Jumping in before John could say anymore. "You aren't going to talk me out it. You know as well as I do how close they were. I know me and her haven't always seen eye to eye, but I can't just let her receive some empty letter or let some faceless drone show up on her doorstep. It has to come from someone she knows, someone who cares. I have to do it"_

_Without another word Rodney turned quickly and strolled out of the room, leaving John to only watch him go._

_End Flashback_

The door opened to reveal the young lieutenant, that half smile that would have usually crept him out on her face. "Hey there McKay. To what honor do I owe this visit. Did you put Atlantis into some terrible danger and need my help?" Laura teased. As she waited for one of his usual snide remarks, she noticed he wasn't in his Atlantis uniform or even regular street clothes but was attired instead in a suit and tie. Something wasn't right.

"Laura, I…" A lump jumped up into the normally acerbic doctor's throat, stopping his words.

The smile faded from her face. If the somber expression on his face wasn't enough the fact that he just called her by her first name confirmed it, no one ever called her that. Something was definitely wrong. "Rodney…?

The silence that fell between them was excruciating. The words were there, playing over and over in his head but Rodney couldn't seem to form them with his mouth. A familiar tingle behind his eye caused him looked away but only for a brief moment. When his gaze returned, Laura felt her heart sink at the site of the tears forming in his eyes. Suddenly she knew what was coming. _Oh God no…_

Rodney found himself in battle with his emotions that once again threatened to take over. Looking into Laura's eyes, he saw the shift of emotion in them. Swallowing hard he forced himself to continue, "Laura, Carson's gone."

There it was. As the air escaped her lungs, it was as if someone had just punched her in the stomach. _Carson's gone… _Closing her eyes, she felt the room spinning as Rodney's words echoed in her head. Laura sank to the floor, it was as if the weight of whole world had suddenly crashed down on her. _This can't be true…it just can't. _

Rodney watched helplessly as the woman's emotions began to overwhelm her. Kneeling down Rodney wrapped his arms around the young lieutenant, pulling her into a tight embrace. He wanted her to know she wasn't alone, that he was there for her, that he was her friend. "Laura, I'm so sorry."

The arms around her offered only a little comfort as she felt every ounce of control slip away. Grabbing onto Rodney, Laura tried to regain a hold on her emotion but to no avail. She buried her face in his shoulder as she felt the tears begin to sear her cheeks.

Closing his eyes, Rodney felt a dull ache in his chest as he listened to Laura's muffled sobs. He had never seen her this way and he found it tearing him apart inside. Holding her tightly Rodney came to a frightening realization. He suddenly knew why he had come, why needed to be the one. His feelings for the woman in his arms were deeper than he had ever known. He was in love with Laura Cadman.


	2. Facing the Feelings

**Disclaimer:** Stagate Atlantis is solely the property of MGM. I stake no claim to it in any way.

**Author's Notes: **Okay this is a continuation of my first Atlantis Fanfic. I hope you like it, but if not oh well.

* * *

The sun was shining. Screaming children darted back and froth across the street playing whatever game kids play. The whole neighborhood was alive, more alive then it had been two weeks ago. Stepping out the car loaned to him by the Air Force, Rodney found it was hard to believe he was the same neighborhood. Looking at the white house in front of him, he couldn't help but think. _Why me…_

_Flashback_

_Dr. Rodney McKay was found himself in the briefing room of the SGC staring down at the Stargate. He had only been back in Atlantis for two weeks, when they had received the call from General Landry requesting him to return to Earth. The general refused to go into any details over the radio, which left McKay wondering what could be so imperative that he had to be pulled away from his very important work._

"_Thank you for coming, Dr. McKay. Sorry to keep you waiting." General Landry entered from his office after finishing a brief discussion with one of the techs. _

"_Yeah, yeah…" Turning around Rodney moved over to the briefing table. He wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so that he could get back to his city. "What did she do this time?"_

"_Always right to the point, " General Landry smiled, knowing what the man before him was asking. "But this meeting has nothing to do with your sister. I asked you back for a matter concerning Lieutenant Cadman."_

"_Cadman…?" Looking up sharply Rodney's eyes met the general's. Of all of the reason's he could have been pulled back, why did have to be for the one person he had been trying to forget._

"_Yes, Doctor. Lt. Cadman's actions in the field over the last couple weeks have become reckless. She has been taking unnecessary risks that have endangered her life and possibly that of her teammates. She refuses to talk to any of the base psychologists, insisting there is nothing wrong. So I have been forced to suspend her off world duties. "_

_Rodney pushed the concern that was slowly creeping up back down behind his brash exterior. "Well we weren't exactly friends, in fact we never even got along. Why call me?"_

"_Two weeks ago you went to see her, to personally break the news of Dr. Beckett's death to her. That's why I called you." The general watch as the other man crossed his arms. Smiling, "We were hoping you would be willing to go talk to her. As her friend, Dr. McKay."_

_Rodney opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Letting out a grumbled sigh and headed for the door. "Great. Just Great." _

_End Flashback_

Rodney stared at the house for a long time, his own feeling fighting with each other. _Laura Cadman. Why her? How could this happen? The woman had never been anything but a pain in the ass. No matter how hard he tried he could never seem to get to her. It was irritating and oddly attractive. Oh why me… _

Letting out a sigh, he made his way up the front walk to the door. _Okay, you can do this. You've faced Wraith, you can face her. _Taking a deep breath, Rodney pushes the doorbell. The muffled sound of the chimes came and went, but the door didn't open. Pushing the button again, he waited…

…And waited.

Rodney began to question whether or not Laura was even home. So putting an ear to the door, he found he was able make out the muffled voices of a television. Frustrated he grumbled to himself and began knocking loudly on the door.

Without warning the door was yanked open, leaving his closed hand hanging. "What?!"

Surprised, Rodney quickly opened his hand into a still wave, "Hi."

Laura looked at him for a moment. What she had expected was one of her friends had been trying to get her to go out with them again, but not him. Rodney McKay was probably the last person she expected to see when she opened the door. Giving him a confused look, she let out a sigh "What are you doing here, McKay?"

"Well, nice to see you too, Cadman." he muttered as he realized his hand was still in the air. Quickly dropping it to his side, he looked down at the woman in front of him giving her a weak smile. "I just happened to be back here for a meeting. Can't an old friend just stop by to say hello."

"So, we're friends now. When did that happen?" Laura crossed her arms as she stared at him, trying to figure out why he was acting so…nice. Then the realization hit her, rolling her eyes "General Landry sent for you, didn't he?"

"He's just concerned about you, Laura. Everyone is." _I am… _Rodney's face turned serious, "He told me you've been acting recklessly. That you've…"

"I'm fine, Rodney." She knew what he was going to say, "I would have never done anything that would have endangered others. You know that better than anyone."

"I know that, but that's not the point." Boy, this woman sure knew how to get to him. "You have been putting _your_ _life_ in danger! And don't try to feed me any of that military garbage about others being more important than oneself because it won't work, I've read the reports and there has been no call for it!"

He knew what this was about jut by looking at her. Her unkempt state. How her reddish-blonde hair was pulled back and had obviously not been washed in a few days. How her marine sweats engulfed her petit form. Taking a breath, he tried to calm himself, "Carson's gone. Getting yourself killed can't change that and you know it. The Laura Cadman I know…"

"That's is McKay, you don't know me!" She glared at him, fighting the urge to cry "I tried to be your friend, gave you a chance to get to know me, but then you turned around and accused me of planting a bomb in Atlantis!"

"No Rodney, you don't really want to know anyone." Unfolding her arms, she took a step back and started to close the door. "And for information it was never my intention to get myself killed. I just need to know I was still alive." Letting out a sigh, "Go back to Atlantis, McKay."

It wasn't so much the words that bother him, it was the truth behind them. Rodney stood dumbfounded. She was right. He had spent his entire life keeping everyone at arms length. On the few occasions he had tried to get close to someone, to really open up. He always ended up pushing then away again as a way to keep himself guarded.

_Not this time_. Rodney held out a hand and stopped the door from closing. Pushing the door open, he stepped into the house and without thinking he found himself pulling Laura close capturing her lips with his own.


	3. Expecting the Unexpected

**Disclaimer:** Stagate Atlantis is solely the property of MGM. I stake no claim to it in any way. 

**Author's Notes: **Okay the first two parts were mainly Rodney focused so I thought I'd switch it up a little. This part just wouldn't stop rewriting itself.

* * *

_Flashback_

_A gentle breeze blew in through the open balcony door. From her bed, Lt. Laura Cadman rolled onto her side to gaze out at the Atlantean night sky. Growing up back on Earth, she had always loved to spend hours just looking out at the stars but these ones were different. There were none of the familiar constellations she had become accustomed to seeing, not that the ones that shone over Atlantis were any less exquisite._

_Laura felt the bed shift behind her, a small smile crossing her face as an arm wrapped itself around her waist. Glancing over her shoulder she was expecting to see the slumbering form of Atlantis' CMO but instead was met with the kind blue eyes of Dr. Carson Beckett looking back at her._

"_Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." _

"_You didn't." Laura gave him a smile as she shifted herself onto her back. Looking at the man beside her, she was unnerved by the impassive look on his face which was only worse coupled with the uncomfortable silence that fell over the room. "What?"_

_Carson stared at her for a moment before looking away. Turning he pulled himself up to sit on the bed before letting out a light sigh, "We need to talk about it."_

_Closing her eyes, Laura let out her own sigh. Ever since their fight this morning she had been expecting this moment. Where was a crisis when you need one. Not that she really wanted one, but she would give just about anything not to have this conversation._

"_Laura…"_

"_I didn't mean it." Opening her eyes, she sat up in the bed. Looking over at his back, "We were both yelling. I was upset. I got carried away. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."_

"_I'm sorry too." He sighed as he stood up and took a few steps away._

"_Carson," Her eyes followed him as he moved, "I didn't mean it. I love you, not him."_

"_We started off under unusual circumstances." Turning around, he gave her a small smile, "Not quite how I would've liked, but we got through that rough spot and everything was nice for a while. I care about you and that is why I have to end this."_

"_Carson…"_

"_No Laura, let me finish." Shaking his head, Carson held up a hand, "I don't doubt about your feelings for me, but I've seen the way you look at him. You care for him more than you'd like to admit. We've both known for a while now that our relationship was destined to end. You and him are a much better fit anyway."_

_He was right and she knew it. That didn't make it hurt any less. Laura looked away, she couldn't bear to have him see her tears. Muttering slightly as she looked back, "But why, of all people, does it have to be Rodney McKay."_

_Carson couldn't help but let out a stifled laugh at her words. "Aye."_

_End Flashback_

The moonlight swept across the bedroom of her Colorado Springs bedroom. Laura let out a moan as she opened her eyes. Most of her other relationships had always ended in a screaming match followed by the sound of slamming doors but with Carson had been so amiable. He knew her better than she knew herself. That's probably why they remained such good friends.

_Flashback_

_Laura sipped her coffee as she stood on the balcony outside the commissary. Closing her eyes she listen to the sound of the wave crashing against the city. She was really going to miss it here._

_Her time in Atlantis had been…interesting. Even if she would've been allowed to share her experiences here, no one would ever believe her. It was too much like some thing out of science fiction. Traveling through space was one thing but when you spend a few days trapped in someone else's head you have definitely crossed the line of normality._

_The low swoosh of the door opening behind her drew her back. She didn't have to turn around to know who was there, "Carson."_

"_I thought I might find you here." Walking across the balcony, the doctor joined her at the railing._

_Smiling she opened her eyes and stared out at the vast ocean before her. "Enjoying the view while I can."_

_Carson gave her a smile of his own, before turning his eyes toward the water. After a moment of silence he turned back to her, "You should tell him, Laura. Before you leave you should tell Rodney how you feel."_

"_I can't. You know that I can't." Laura looked down, her gaze falling on the coffee in her cup. She knew first hand the uneasiness that could arise if she did. Carson and Rodney were best friends, no more like brothers and if she had learned anything from her older sister it was never to date your ex's friends or family. Taking a deep breath, she let out slowly, "Besides even if I could, he doesn't feel the same way about me."_

"_How do you know? You ever ask him."_

_Looking up, she found Carson staring back at her. Letting out a sigh, "You don't ask Rodney McKay how he feels, he tells you. It doesn't take a genius to see how crystal clear that he has made the fact that he doesn't like me."_

_Carson let out a subtle laugh, he couldn't believe how alike his two friends were. He knew Rodney didn't hate her as much as he played it up. In the time since breaking things off with Laura, he had been playing a wily game of matchmaker without actually telling them how the other felt. The pair were so concerned about his feelings that they chose to ignore the obvious attraction between them._

_Smiling, he nodded shaking of the urge to tell her the truth, "Aye. Rodney has learned to keep others at arm's length. Doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. You'll never know if you don't try."_

_Laura gave him a weak smile. She knew that Carson only had her best interest at heart. As sweet as it was she wasn't about to cross that line, not yet anyways. Maybe in a year or two, when her breakup with Carson wasn't so fresh in everyone's minds. Maybe by then she would have figured out how to get through Rodney's relentless defensive barrier._

_Glancing at her watch, she let out another sigh. "Time to go."_

"_Aye. Take care of yourself, Laura Cadman."_

"_You too, Carson." Turning with a smile, she headed toward the sliding door. Glancing back over her shoulder she stole one last glimpse of the Atlantean horizon. _

_End Flashback_

Laura eyes shifted to the window and out to where the stars sparkled across the night sky. She had never been a religious person, but as she looked out at the stars she hoped that was really was life after death. That Carson wasn't simply gone. That he was out there somewhere watching over the friends spread over two galaxies the had he left behind. Out of nowhere, as if on cue, a gentle breeze blew across her face causing her to smile. _I had a feeling…_

With the intent of falling into a peaceful sleep, Laura rolled over and froze. Her smile faded when she found herself looking into the sleeping face of Rodney McKay. The realization hit her like a wave. _Oh crap…_


	4. Requesting the Return

**Disclaimer:** Stargate Not mine.

**Author Notes: **Why is it I always find myself writing at 3 o'clock in th morning...oh well enjoy.

* * *

The briefing room at Stargate Command was quiet. Lt. Laura Cadman stood alone, looking out at the Stargate on the level below. It had been almost two months since the last time she had stepped through the Event Horizon onto some alien world.

She didn't blame General Landry for removing her from active duty, that was entirely her own doing. When she had heard about Carson's death, she didn't quite know how to cope with it, she became reckless. She had tried to hide, tried to convince herself as much as anyone that nothing was wrong. _Probably would have eventually if not for Rodney._

_Flashback_

"_Carson's gone. Getting yourself killed can't change that and you know it. The Laura Cadman I know…"_

"_That's is McKay, you don't know me!" She glared at him, fighting the urge to cry "I tried to be your friend, gave you a chance to get to know me, but then you turned around and accused me of planting a bomb in Atlantis!"_

"_No Rodney, you don't really want to know anyone." Unfolding her arms, she took a step back and started to close the door. "And for information it was never my intention to get myself killed. I just need to know I was still alive." Letting out a sigh, "Go back to Atlantis, McKay."_

_Rodney held out a hand and stopped the door from closing. Pushing the door open, he stepped into the house and without thinking he found himself pulling Laura close capturing her lips with his own._

_The gentle aggressiveness of the kiss was shocking, but Laura was more surprised when her body began reacting to it. Her hands found their was to his chest as she let out a soft moan against his lips. Letting out a muffled groan, Rodney pushed forward his tongue slipping past her lips, deepening their connection._

_The soothing warmth of his lips. The determination of his tongue as it probed the depths of her mouth. The way she melted under the tender force of his grip. She wanted nothing more than to let it continue, but something deep within caused her brain to snap back to reality. Pulling back she gave Rodney a hard shove breaking their bond. _

_Laura struggled to regain her breath as she looked up at him and saw her own confusion being reflected back to her in his expression. Trying to regain her breath, she choked out the first thought that buzzed through her mind. "What the hell, McKay?"_

_Rodney opened his mouth to say something…anything but couldn't seem to find his voice. His brain buzzed as it tried to process his sudden impulsive action. "I…um…I should probab--" _

_Before he could finish, Laura grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him up against the wall by the door crushing her lips against his._

_End Flashback_

Laura took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. A shiver ran through her as she recalled the warmth of his breath against her skin. How gently his hands move across her body, so in tuned as their bodies moved as one. In that one night of passion Rodney had pulled her back from the edge of deep precipice she was treading.

It all seemed like a dream, it wasn't until she saw him sleeping peacefully beside her that she knew she was truly alive. He looked so serene that she couldn't help but lie there and watch him sleep until she drifted off only to awake alone once again. Laura let out a sigh, Rodney left without a so much as a note and she needed to know why.

Opening her eyes, she stared at the 'Gate. For the last month and a half, Laura has done everything that was required, everything they asked of her, so that she could get the chance to ask him. Now here she was, waiting to see if her efforts were enough.

"Lieutenant?"

When she turned around, General Landry gestured toward the table. "Have a seat, Lieutenant."

Putting on a weak smile, Laura moved to the table and sat down. Folding her hands on the table she watched the general along with one of the base psychiatrists did likewise.

Gen. Landry gave her a smile, "Well Lieutenant, Dr. Harmett has told me that you are making excellent progress."

"Yes, sir."

"Do you think you are ready to return to active duty?"

Giving a slight nod "Yes, sir"

The general glances at Dr. Harmett for a moment then back to Laura, "After discussing it the doctor here seems to think that a little work could be good for you, but I'm not entirely convinced. This job is dangerous enough, I can't put someone out there if I think they can snap at any moment. Would you care to plead your case?"

Laura nodded, "I know I've put you in a difficult position. I let my emotions regarding Dr. Beckett's death get the better of me. I was negligent and endangered myself as well as those around me. I can't change that all I can do is ask for another chance."

Gen, Landry nodded as he thought it over. After a long minute he spoke up, "I know this was a hard event for you but that's no excuse. If I put you back on duty, you have to understand if anything like this happens again then you're gone."

"Yes, sir. I understand."

"Okay then," Standing up he nods, "consider yourself recalled to duty, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." Standing up, she gives him a salute. "Thank you, sir."

After returning the salute, Laura watched as Gen. Landry heads to his office. Smiling she thanks Dr. Harmett before turning and following the general. Gently knocking on his open door, "General, can I have a minute?"

Turning around with a smile, "Of course. What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

"I know it maybe a little soon. You having just allowed me to return to duty and all, but I have to ask. " Taking a step into the room, "I would like to return to Atlantis."

Gen. Landry looked at her quizzically "Atlantis?"

"Yes, sir." Laura fayed a weak smile, "They've all experienced the same loss as I have. Being around them may be good for me."

"I take it you haven't discussed this with Dr. Harmett."

"No, sir." Dropping her head slightly, "I appreciate everything she has done for me, but there are some things a psychiatrist just can't help you with."

"And you think the Atlantis team can."

"Yes, sir." Laura nodded, "You have every right to say no, but I think maybe being around those whose are dealing with the same loss could be beneficial."

"Give me some time to think on it and I'll get back to you." Gen. Landry nodded, "You're dismissed, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." Turning, Laura quickly exited the general's office. Smiling to herself, _He'll say yes. He just has to._


	5. Awaiting the Inevitable

**Disclaimer:** Stargate Atlantis is solely the property of MGM. I stake no claim to it in any way.

**Author's Notes: **Got a little busy at work, with Mother's Day and all but here is Chapter 5

* * *

_Flashback_

"_Do you really hate me that much?" Lt. Col. John Sheppard closed his eyes at the unmistakable snark that caused him to stop walking. He knew this was coming. Ever since Elizabeth sent out the latest incoming personnel roster, he knew no matter how hard he tried that Rodney McKay would track him down._

_Letting out a sigh, he opened his eyes. As he turned around he gave Rodney a feigned frown, "Now why would you say that, Rodney?_

"_Don't give me that." John saw that the scientist was clearly agitated as he strode up to him. "You know perfectly well why. Cadman."_

"_Oh, is that all." Spinning around John smirks as he starts walking again._

"_Is that all?" Rodney grunted as he began to follow. "Lt. Laura Cadman is indisputably the most irritating and intolerable woman alive. How could you possibly even consider letting her come back here after what I told you?" Pausing for a moment he begins snapping his fingers, "That it isn't it. You're all just trying drive me crazy."_

_John rolled his eyes as he continued down the corridor. "Yes Rodney, that's it. The rest of us have nothing better to do, so we sit around and just ask ourselves What can we do to torment Rodney this week? " _

_Stopping he turns around sharply, "Cadman is a good Marine. She has proved that times during her first tour in Atlantis. General Landry informed me of her request to return and together me and Elizabeth discussed the situation. Sure she may have lost it for a little while and who could blame her when we've had our own troubles dealing with Carson's death. And with a record like mine I am the last person to hold a little thing like that against her."_

_Rodney glared back "Maybe you weren't listening to me, Colonel. She could end up getting someone hurt or worse."_

"_I heard you just fine the first time and Gen. Landry has been quite clear on his own feelings concerning this matter. He feels she has made significant progress and left the final decision up to myself and Dr. Weir. And we saw no other reason to say no. Besides it was probably something you said to her when you went to see her that caused her to snap out of her depression." Thinking about his last statement, John looked quizzically at Rodney, "Now that I think about it, what exactly did you say to her?"_

_End Flashback_

Rodney sat staring at the screen of his laptop. After about the fourth time he realized he was readying the same line over and over. Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes. _Damn it, McKay. Concentrate._

Cadman. This was all her fault. Just when he thought she was out of his mind forever, _Bam_ there she was again. Yeah, sure he was glad that she no longer wanted to get herself hurt, but why did she have to go and ask to come back to Atlantis. Rodney groaned when his subconscious whispered to him. _Crap…That's my fault._

_Flashback_

_Laura struggled to regain her breath as she looked up at him and saw her own confusion being reflected back to her in his expression. Trying to regain her breath, she choked out the first thought that buzzed through her mind. "What the hell, McKay?"_

_Rodney opened his mouth to say something…anything but couldn't seem to find his voice. His brain buzzed as it tried to process his sudden impulsive action. "I…um…I should probab--" _

_Before he could finish, Laura grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him up against the wall by the door crushing her lips against his._

_Rodney froze as confusion swept over him, but for some reason at that moment any rational thought had completely flown out the window. Recovering quickly, he brought his hands up to cup Laura's face as he pulled her closer._

_Laura let out a soft moan as his tongue once again found its way into her mouth. Her grip on his shirt loosened as his hands slid down her sides to rest on her hips. Even if at that moment her brain was able to focus there was a good chance the rest of her wouldn't comply._

_Pulling back Laura's eyes darken with desire found Rodney's. In one fluid motion she yanked his shirt up over his head, tossing it aside. Reaching up she pulled him into another heated kiss._

_Breaking for air, Rodney's mind considered taking control for a brief instant. That was until Laura pulled off the baggy Marines sweatshirt she had been wearing. Eyes wide Rodney soaked in the magnificent site in front of him even as he was led deeper into the house by a gently tug on his pants._

_End Flashback_

Rodney groaned as his head dropped into his hands. After his impromptu kiss, he had expected Laura to hit him and for a minute second it seemed as if she was going to. Now, he almost wished she would have. _How hard is it to just hit me, kick me out and tell me never to come back…_

"Dr. McKay…?!"

"What…?" Rodney's head shot up. Looking around he saw his fellow scientist, Dr. Radek Zelenka standing nearby looking at him.

Having got his attention, Radek brought his voice back down "It is getting late, Rodney. I think it would probably be best if we pick this up tomorrow."

It was then he realized that it was note only Radek staring at him, but the eyes of at least a half a dozen other scientists.

"Um…yes. Tomorrow." Rodney tried to pull his thoughts back to the present. Glancing at his watch, "Let's meet back here tomorrow at…21:00 hours."

Radek watched as the others gathered their papers and slowly filed out of the conference room. When the last had exited he turned, "Are you okay, Rodney? You seem less, less interested than usual."

"Yes, it is hard to believe with a lecture on the life cycle of some bug from the mainland one can be so mundane." The weekly department head meetings had been Elizabeth's idea and as her Chief Scientist she had 'insisted' Rodney take part.

Dr. Zelenka knew that this was Rodney's way of trying to get rid of him. If it wasn't so late and he wasn't so tired he might have considered sticking around and trying to probe for what was really bothering him. Sighing, he gathered up his own paperwork and headed for the door, "Fine. I'm going. Goodnight Rodney."

"Yes. Night" Shaking his hand at the exiting man, Rodney resumed a feigned interest on his computer screen although his mind remained elsewhere. When he heard the door slide shut he let out a loud groan as his head slipped back into his hands, "Why me…"

Then came the familiar whoosh as the door opened again. Dropping his hands to either side of his laptop, Rodney glued is eyes to the screen. "Did you forget something?"

"No, but I think you did."

_Oh no…_


	6. Telling the Truth

**Disclaimer:** Stargate Atlantis is solely the property of MGM. I stake no claim to it in any way.

**Author's Notes: **Took a little more time than I planned then ended up writing a little bit more than I expected so I'll just call it even. More to come...

* * *

Then came the familiar whoosh as the door opened again. Dropping his hands to either side of his laptop, Rodney glued is eyes to the screen. "Did you forget something?" 

"No, but I think you did."

_Oh no…_ Rodney froze as his eyes rose to meet the impassive form of Laura Cadman. He knew she was returning to Atlantis and that he would have to face her eventually, but he had hoped he would have figured out what he was going to say first.

"You're back early. General Landry must have been eager to get rid of you." Rodney cringed inwardly as he turned his gaze back to the computer in front of him.

Laura crossed her arms as she fought back the urge to start yelling, "Is that all you have to say to me, McKay?"

Rodney knew what she was getting at. She wanted to talk about what had happened between them. He couldn't agree more with the idea, but as hard as he tried he just couldn't make himself speak the right words.

"Like what…?" A smug look spread across his face as he pretended to concentrate like there was something important on the screen before him. "Oh, maybe about how you threw yourself at me."

"Excuse me!" Closing the distance between them, Laura snapped his laptop closed. "You kissed me first!"

Looking up, Rodney saw the glare in her eyes and knew he should stop talking, but as it often does his mouth was moving faster than his brain. "A momentary lapse in judgment. I was all set to leave, but apparently you just couldn't resist…"

"You are unbelievable, Rodney!" She shook her head as she took a step back, "I thought that maybe we could discuss this like adults, but obviously that is just too hard for you so just forget it."

Turning on her heels, Laura started back toward the door. As it slid open she glared back over her shoulder, "You couldn't face it then, why did I think now would be any different…" Without that the door slide shut.

* * *

"I don't like him."

"That's nothing new. You don't like anyone." Lt. Col John Sheppard kept his focus on the chess board between them. "Your move."

"That's not the point." Rodney ignored the game they were playing as he continued to stare over the colonel's shoulder. "Hey, maybe you find some reason to ship him back to Earth. Say that, oh I don't know, that maybe he isn't quite Atlantis material."

"What? Atlantis material?" John looked up with a look of utter confusion on his face. It was obvious by the way Rodney had phrased it that he was talking about someone on the military personnel. "And who exactly isn't "Atlantis material", McKay?"

His eyes not moving, "Lt. Reid."

"Reid? How could you know, the guy just got here. In fact, I'm surprised you even know his name. What could you possibly have against the man?" John watched as Rodney's eye flicked toward him for a moment before looking back to something behind him. Turning around, he followed the other man's gaze.

Across the commissary he saw Lt. Reid seated at a table smiling at the Marine sitting with him. Looking back at Rodney, he smirked "Ah, so that's it."

"What…?" Rodney turned his head. By the look in John's eyes he could see that he was starting to give himself away. "It's not like that at all."

"Uh huh." John gave him a small nod. "I thought you didn't even liker her."

"I never said that." Rodney was beginning to get irritated at the how easily he was being read. "What I said was that she was annoying."

John smirked again, "So, you _do _like her…"

"Oh, don't even start. I…" A laugh from across the room pulled Rodney's attention away.

"Who could blame me…" John couldn't help but smile as he watched Rodney. "You do keep staring at her like some lovesick puppy."

"I am not." Even as the words came out Rodney realized he was. He watched as the pair stood and exited the mess. Shaking his head, he tried to turn his attention back to their game.

It was clear to John that there was something deeper troubling his friend. Becoming serious, he decided to finally get to the bottom of it. "Okay Rodney, spill it."

"What…?"

"There is obviously something going on between you two. I mean that must have been some fight you guys had when she got back."

Looking up sharply, Rodney was shocked "How did you know about that?"

"I have my sources." John crossed his arms as he sat back in his chair. "Said he thought for sure she was going to hit you."

_Zelenka. _Rodney instinctively contemplated the worst city assignment imaginable. He was curious to find out what else the scientist had passed on. "And what else did _he _say?"

"I'll make you a deal." John leaned forward, "You tell me what happened back on Earth and I'll tell you what _he _said."

Rodney rolled his eyes, "What are you a fifteen year old girl?"

John grinned, "Come on, McKay. Aren't you the least bit interested in knowing how much I know? Just tell me what happened and nobody else has to know."

The colonel's face gave no hint as to how much he already knew. Rodney swallowed as he thought about it not realizing the benign action gave away more than he had planned.

"Ah…" John grin widened, "So, its true. You did kiss her."

"What? No!…well yes. But I never intended on sleeping with her." Rodney watched as John's smug look was quickly replaced with one of surprise. _Oh no…_

"You slept with her? With Cadman?"

Rodney groaned, "I don't know how it happened. There was some yelling followed by some kissing. Then came some skin and next thing I know I'm waking up in her bed."

It wasn't exactly the mental image he cared to have, but John listened. "And…?"

"What do you mean "And…"? And I left, what else."

"You mean you ran."

Trying to defend himself, "No, I certainly d…"

"No, Rodney. You panicked and then you ran." John kept his voice low as he let his words sink in. "Hey don't feel bad, it happens to all of us. Well okay, maybe not everyone but…"

Getting an agitated look from Rodney, John decided it was best to try and move on. "The woman knows where you live and work, I mean you had to know she'd track you down eventually. So why'd you run?"

_Flashback_

_The sun had only set a few hours before, but the moon was almost bright enough to illuminate Laura Cadman's bedroom. Rodney looked at the woman beside him, her back was to him but he was none the less mesmerized by how the soft light coming through the window seemed to make her skin and hair glow._

_Rodney hadn't realized how long it had been since he had shared a bed with someone else. Someone who wasn't stuck in his head that is. It was ironic now, that the first woman he went to bed with in years was the same one spent time in his bed while sharing his body. What surprised him though was that it didn't seem as creepy to him as it did before._

_Slowly rolling over, he wrapped an arm around Laura's waist. He couldn't believe how hard he was falling for this woman. Rodney placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder before nuzzling down into her neck. "I think I'm in love."_

"_Mmm…" Rodney smiled as Laura snuggled back against him. "I love you, too."_

_Rodney froze, her words echoing in his brain, as he realized he has said the thought out loud._

_End Flashback_

"It would never work. I'm bad with people, remember." Rodney stared off in the direction he had watched Lieutenants Cadman and Reid go. "I'm especially bad with women."

"Well that's never stopped you from trying in the past." Studying the scientist's face, John saw the look that said it all. "You really do love her."

"That's nuts."

"You do. I've seen that look enough times to know." John gave him a smile, "You love her but you're letting that petty arrogant part of your personality get in the way. Its like a defense mechanism, you're trying to protect yourself."

"That is so not true." Rodney gave him a glare, "I think hit that head of yours one too many times, Colonel."

That only made John smile more, "No, that's only part of it. You're trying to protect her, too."

With the words hanging over him, Rodney's glare slowly faded. Pushing his chair back, he stood, "I got to get back to work."

"Rodney, wait!" John caught him by the wrist as he started to leave, "I know what its like. I know that you don't want to get hurt or want to hurt Laura, but she's a big girl. A big girl that could probably kill you with one hand…"

"Oh, yes. Now that's a comforting thought."

"What I'm trying to say is that being in love means that you have to accept the chance that someone could get hurt. You can't play everything safe, Rodney." Letting go of his arm, John stood up and looked him in the eye for a moment before walking away.

There was something in the colonel's eyes that told Rodney that the man knew what he was talking about. _Have to ask him about that sometime… _He thought as he started for the labs. _But first things first, get through this shift as quickly as possible then go find Laura._


	7. Ignis Fatuus

**Disclaimer:** Stargate and its characters belong to MGM.

**Author's Notes: **I got the idea for this pretty much immediately after posting the last part. I spent a few days fighting with myself as to whether I wanted to add more but decided instead to save it for the next part so that means this one will be a little shorter than the others. Thanks for all the positive feedback. It has helped this story evolve and take on a mind of its own.

* * *

Night in Atlantis was a calming time. The crisp sea air could penetrate even the deepest sections of the city. This is what made this one of Laura Cadman's favorite places to run, but at the moment running was the last thing she wanted to do. Instead she sat alone in the moonlit darkness of her quarters. _Why did I even bother…_

"Because you love him."

_Great, now I'm hearing things. _Her eyes were closed as a gentle breeze swept through the quiet room.

"The Laura Cadman I know wouldn't just give up."

A shadow settled over her a she opened her eyes. Looking up from her seat on the floor, Laura saw a familiar form silhouetted by the soft blue light coming through the open balcony door. "Carson…?"

As the figure turned Laura was met with the unforgettable smile of Dr. Carson Beckett. "You have to keep trying."

_How… _A she could do was gawk at the man in front of her. He certainly looked like Carson, but that wasn't possible. Carson was dead, he had died over two months ago. _Okay Laura, you've finally lost it._

"You're not crazy, Laura." He smiled, it was almost as if he was reading her mind.

"No, of course I'm not. I have a habit of see my dead friends on a regular basis."

The subtle laugh was unmistakable. Carson turned his head to look the night sky, "Just because we die it doesn't mean we are ever truly gone."

With everything she had saw and experienced she knew she shouldn't be surprised. Still there was a part of her that had to believe this was all a dream. "You're ascended?"

"Not exactly, but something similar." Turning back to her, he couldn't help but smile at the confusion that spread across Laura's face. Looking back out the door, "You have to tell him."

"Huh?" The look she got said it all. "Oh…"

"You have to tell him."

"I can't." Looking down at the floor, Laura sighed. "That man is impossible."

"Aye, that's true." Carson smiled, "But he has a right to know."

"I know, but I…"

"_Laura…"_

At first she thought it was Carson, but when looked up she was surprised to see him look toward the door that lead out of her quarters and back to the city. Suddenly everything seemed hazy, "What's happening?"

"Its time for you to go, Laura."

"What?" She looked at the door then back to Carson. "Go? Go where?"

"_Laura…!"_

There it was again, someone was calling her. It was louder this time but just as distant. Looking at Carson, he simply smiled. "Its not your time yet, lass." Stepping forward he offered her a hand, "You have to go back, Laura. He needs you."

_Go back? _Taking his hand, she allowed him to help her to her feet. "What about you?"

"I have my own path to follow." He walked with her to the door. "This is yours."

Waving his hand over the control panel the door slid open. Laura had expected to see the usual corridor outside but was instead a bright light washed over her forcing her to squint at it's intensity.

Looking at the man beside her, "I don't think I can do it."

"Of course you can. Just tell him the truth." Flashing her a quick smile he turn and started back toward the balcony.

"Carson, wait!" Turning she waited until he turned to look at her, she asked the question that had been nagging her for months. "Will I ever see you again?"

Laura wasn't sure if the smile he got on his face was a yes, but either way it seemed to ease her uncertainty. Without a word Carson turned and continued toward the balcony. She watched him slowly fade as he stepped through the open door.

"_Come on Laura, wake up."_

The intensity of the light behind her seemed to increase. Turning she smiled as she allowed it to envelope her as she stepped forward.


	8. Bad Nights

**Disclaimer:** Stargate and its characters belong to MGM.

**Author's Notes: **Okay here's the next part I was talking about.

* * *

Four hours. That was how long it took Rodney McKay to get out of his lab after his shift was suppose to end. All thanks to a group of junior scientists, who in his mind were not even fit to teach high school chemistry, and some Ancient compound that should have really had a label saying Warning: Mystery Goo Explosive When Mixed With Water. Now _his_ lab as well as most of its staff including himself were covered head to toe with could only be described as a foul smelling orange soapy foam. _Tomorrow I talk to Elizabeth about thinning out the lab staff again._

After a precautionary visit to the infirmary, Rodney made his way to his quarters thankful the corridors were nearly deserted at this hour. He received some significant glances from those he did happen to pass but at least they all knew better than to say a word. By lunchtime tomorrow though he knew the entire city will have heard about it.

Waving a hand over the panel beside his door, he stepped into the darkness when it slid open. He headed straight for the bathroom to take the hottest shower he could conjure up, wanting nothing more that to wash the day away.

_Shower and sleep._ At that moment there were never two more beautiful words. When he emerged from the bathroom, Rodney shivered slightly as a cool breeze hit his wet skin. Glaring at the open window, he moved across the room and shoved it closed.

"Rodney…"

_What now?!_ Rodney groaned. He was in no mood to deal with anymore problems caused by someone else's incompetence.

"Can't I even get one…" As he turned around to confront his uninvited guest he stopped. Looking around the darkened room there was no one to be seen. _Huh…?_

_Sleep. Need more sleep. _Rodney shrugged it off as he moved to his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Slipping into his underwear, he tossed his towel aside as he moved toward the bed pulling his shirt on as he went.

"Rodney…"

His head hadn't quite made its way through its hole when he heard his name again. Quickly yanking the shirt down he turned to only once again find no one. Agitated, Rodney stared into the shadows, "Okay, that's it. If that's you Sheppard. I'm gonna…"

_Crap. _As the colonel's name passed his lips he remembered. _Cadman. _He was going to go talk to Laura after his shift. Glancing at the clock beside his bed, he sighed. _I know its late but honestly how much angrier can she possibly get._

Grabbing a pair of pants off a nearby chair, Rodney stumbled into them as he made his way to the door. He was halfway out when he stopped, remembering the weird mystery voice. There was something about it, something familiar. _It couldn't be… _Glancing back over his shoulder, he noticed his window was again open. _Or could it. _

_It can wait. _Rodney shook off the distracting thought as he continued out into the hall and headed in the direction of Lt. Cadman's room.

With the transporters at his disposal it wasn't a long walk, but it still made Rodney wish she would have moved back into her old room that had been right down the hall from his instead of one that might as well have been on the other side of the city. _That's your fault._ That pesky little voice in his head was back. Stopping in front of Laura's door he snapped back, _Okay, not helping._

Staring at the door, he took a deep breath. _I can do this._ With a swipe of his hand, he activated the Ancient equivalent of a doorbell.

No one answered.

_Hmm…_ Rodney knew she had to be here. He had taken a moment back in the lab to check the duty roster and she had the night off.

_Something's not right. _As he looked at the door he got a sinking feeling in his gut. _Screw it! _Tearing the cover off the control panel, Rodney manually overrode the door's locking mechanism and watched it swoosh open. _She can hit me later if its nothing._

As he stepped inside he saw lights on which could only mean she was here. "Laura…"

Moving further into the room he heard the faint sound of running water. She was really going to kill him if he barged in on her while she was in the shower, but his legs wouldn't stop moving toward the sound. The bathroom door was open, the light spilled out into the dim room.

Entering the doorway, Rodney froze at the site before him. Laura, fully clad in her running clothes, was lying on the bathroom floor.

"Laura…!" Rodney rushed into the room. Kneeling down, he carefully rolled her over. That was when he saw the small trail of blood coming from a contusion on her head. _Oh crap…_

It wasn't until Rodney reached for his comm that he realized never grabbed it before leaving his room. _Shit! _

Scooping Laura up into his arms he was in a near panic as he carried her out of the bathroom. Looking around her room, he spotted her radio sitting on the table beside her bed. _Yes! Now we're getting somewhere._

Cautiously he made his way over to the bed where he gently laid down Laura's still form. Snatching up the comm he quickly thumbed it on, "This is McKay, I need a medical team to Lt. Cadman's quarters NOW!"

Tossing the radio aside, Rodney dropped to his knees beside the bed. With one hand he took a hold of Laura's while brushing her hair back with the other.

"Come on, Laura. Wake up." Bending over he softly kissed her forehead.

Then Rodney felt her stir. Pulling back he watched as her eyes slowly opened. "Rodney…?"

Her hand tightened against his as she tried to move. "Hey, hey. It's okay. Helps on the way." Giving her a small smile, "You rest. Everything is going to be okay."

As she laid back, Laura could see the worry clouding in his blue eyes. She continued to stare into them until voices from across the room pulled Rodney's attention away, but she kept hers on him.

"Over here!"

She knew he was yelling, but his voice seemed far away. Her mind was desperately trying to figure out if this was real or just another hallucination as she felt herself being lifted up. Rodney looked down at her again as he placed her on the stretcher. "Everything is gonna be okay."

Laura watched his lips moving but couldn't hear any of the words coming out. She managed to give him a weak smile before his face was replaced by darkness.


	9. Wide Awakenings

**Disclaimer:** Stargate and its characters belong to MGM.

**Author's Notes: **Seemed to take me forever to get this typed. Comments, suggestions. Let me know.

* * *

"Dr. McKay, Will you please…" Dr. Jennifer Keller once again pushed herself past the astrophysicist who had rooted himself next to the infirmary bed that held Laura Cadman. Anyone who had spent more than five minutes with these two could see the complex love-hate relationship between, so it was no surprise to her that he'd be worried about her. 

Bending over the unconscious woman, Dr. Keller continued to check the lieutenant's vitals when she was bumped again. She was accustomed to working in close quarters but this was getting ridiculous. Leaning back up she turned to give Rodney a stern look, "Why don't you go wait outside?"

Rodney was about to protest when he was interrupted but Colonel Sheppard's voice, "I thought I said you should talk to her. What happened?"

"Oh of course you would assume this was my fault." When he turned to face the colonel he knocked into Dr. Keller again.

"McKay!" Jennifer just barely avoided jabbing him with the needle in her hand. Unable to keep her calm any longer, she grabbed his arm and began pulling him away. "Out! I need some space to work, so out! Both of you!"

"But he…"

"You can come back _after_ I am done." She cut off Rodney's protest before he could make it. Without another words Dr. Keller pulled closed the curtain around the bed.

Rodney stared at the curtain for a moment before turning around to face Sheppard. "Well now that's just great. I'm _so _glad you decided to drop by."

"Hey don't get mad at me. You _were_ kind of crowding her." John watched Rodney glance back at the curtain. The mix of emotion was clearly written across the scientists face. "She'll be okay, Rodney."

"I know." Rodney nodded. The sound of the privacy curtain sliding open caught his attention. As he turned he saw Dr. Keller give the nurse a few instruction before she came over to them. "Well, so…?"

"She has a mild concussion and a little dehydrated. Aside from the inevitable headache she'll have when she wakes up, she will be fine. I'm going to hold her here for the night just to be sure." Dr. Keller as watched as Rodney's looked past her. Giving him a small smile she stepped aside, "Go ahead."

Without a moments hesitation, Rodney rushed past her. John smirked as he watched the scientist retake his position next to Laura's bed. After a moment he turned to Dr. Keller, "So when do you think I get to have my officer back?"

"I'm still waiting for some tests to come back, but I think its safe to say a week off should do it. If I come across something in the results I'll let you and Dr. Weir know."

"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to work." John gave her a smile then turned to and exited the infirmary. Dr. Keller watched him go before looking back over at her patient. She couldn't help but smile as she observed Rodney settling himself in a chair beside Laura's bed.

It would still be a few hours until Lt. Cadman's test results came back so turning away, Jennifer headed into her office. She let out a sigh as she came face to face with the stacks of paperwork on the desk. _At least I have something to keep me busy while I wait. _Sitting down at her desk, Dr. Keller went to work on the paperwork.

* * *

"Dr. Keller?" 

"Huh…yes.." Jennifer jerked her head up when she felt a hand gently shake her. Rubbing her eyes she looked at the nurse standing beside for a moment before noticing the folder in her hands. "Is that…?"

"Yes, Lt. Cadman's test results." The nurse finished as she handed her the folder.

"Of course, Thank you." Dr. Keller held back a yawn as she took it. Giving a small nod, the nurse turned and left the doctor's office. _Well, let's see what we got… _Flipping open the folder, she began reading through the papers when a low groan from the outer room caught her attention. Closing the folder, she headed out toward the sound.

As she rounded the corner, she found Lt. Cadman attempting to sit up in the bed and the chair by the bed empty. Hearing the footsteps, Laura looked up at the approaching doctor, "What happened? My head hasn't hurt this much since I was stuck in McKay's."

"I'll try my best to answer your questions, Lieutenant." Dr. Keller gave her a smile, "You just take it easy. What is the last thing you remember?"

"Well I went for a run like I normally do but being I had the night off I started earlier and so longer." Laura laid back against the bed as she fought to get the memory out of her pounding brain, "About three quarters of the way through I wasn't feeling to good so I decided it was probably time to stop and by the time I got back to my room everything seemed fuzzy. I remember going into the bathroom, turning on the sink and then nothing. I woke up here."

Dr. Keller nodded, "Lucky for you that Dr. McKay showed up. He found you unconscious on the floor with that pretty nasty bump on the head. Best I can figure you passed out and hit your head on the way down."

_McKay? Why was he…? _Laura was about to ask out loud when her eyes focused on the folder in Dr. Keller's hands. "Is that…?"

Jennifer looked at the lieutenant for a moment before remembering, "Oh yes, you're test results. I couldn't be sure until I ran them but now I think I know what may have caused this. Or was at least partially responsible."

The more the doctor spoke the more nervous Laura became. "It isn't anything serious, is it?"

"No…oh well I guess it could be," Dr. Keller wasn't exactly sure how to answer the question and the puzzled look she was getting told her this. "Well I guess I should just say it. You're pregnant."


	10. Conflicts

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Wow...I just realized how long it took to get this chapter out of my head. Sorry for the wait...Hopefully it won't happen again...**

* * *

_Pregnant… _The word rang in her head. From her bed in the infirmary Laura Cadman remain almost entirely in a state of shock. Even after seeing the test results for herself she still had a hard time believing it. Looking down she saw her hand had found its was to her scrub-clad stomach. _This is…_

"Oh, you're awake…good. I mean, feeling better?"

The familiar voice caused her to lift her head pulling her away from her own thoughts. A few steps away stood Rodney McKay, a cup of coffee in one hand and a half eaten power bar in the other. She knew she should say something…anything, but the words just wouldn't move past her lips. Staring at the would be father of her child all she could manage to do was nod.

Rodney returned the nod as the silence between them was starting to become uneasy. _Well now is as good a time as any. _Setting the contents of his hands on the nearest table, he turned back to Laura, "I know I've never really been fair to you. Or nice for that matter. Okay this isn't easy for me, but I'm sorry."

"Rodney, you don't have to…"

"Shut up and let me talk." Rodney cut her off before she could interrupt his chain of thought. "We weren't exactly in a sound state of mind. I mean, we had both just lost a good friend but that's no excuse. I should have…"

"Rodney…" Laura tried again to get a word in but was only ignored.

"Not that it wasn't good, because it was. Its just that it shouldn't of…" Rodney hesitated as he decided not to finish the sentence. "Look I'm glad you're feeling better but it would probably be best if I go before I say something stupid."

_Too late, _Laura thought as she watched him turn to leave. "McKay!"

_Oh hell… _Rodney stopped. Letting out a sigh he turned around.

"No, Rodney." Laura stopped him as he open his mouth to speak. "You said your piece. Now its my turn."

When he crossed his arms and scowled at her, Laura took it as a signal to continue. "Who the hell do you think you are? You can't just apologize then walk away and expect everything to be okay. It doesn't work that way."

"Well excuse me for trying…"

"Damn it, McKay. Will you shut up!" Slipping out of the bed Laura dropped to the floor to stand in front of him. The last thing she wanted to do was get into another fight with him, but right now that seemed inevitable. "Its true maybe our mental states were questionable, mine would have to be for me to want to sleep with you, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened. We can't just pretend that it didn't. We _have _to deal with this!"

"Hey I just tried, you're the one who blew up at me!" Stepping forward, Rodney forced his way back into the conversation. "I know I was an ass the other day. I thought that just maybe I could try not to be but you have away of making that very hard to do. I must have been crazy to think we could actually _talk _to each other! You are just so…"

There was one thing she knew would shut him up but it wasn't she saw the color draining from his face that she realized the words had finally left her mouth. "I'm pregnant!"

"…so…" Rodney froze, Laura's words forestalling his current train of thought. He stared at her unsure if he had actually heard her correctly. "What?"

Laura let out a sigh as she crossed her arms across her chest, "I'm pregnant, Rodney."

"You can't possibly think it's mine. We were only together that once." The words came out before he could stop them.

"I don't know what they teach you up in Canada but one time is enough." Laura glared as she felt her muscles tense with the urge to hit him. "You are the only person I've had sex with in over a year. So unless something about human reproduction has changed within that time."

"Okay I didn't mean that to sound so…" Rodney couldn't help but mentally kick himself. "I really, really shouldn't have said that."

Closing her eyes, Laura took a deep breath. "Just forget it."

"Laura, I'm sorry. I…"

"It's okay, Rodney. That's just the way you are." Laura's arms fell to her sides as she opened her eyes. "I don't expect anything from you, but you have the right to know that I'm going to have this child. If you want to be a part of your child's life, I won't try and stop you. I'm sure once I get back to Earth we can work something out."

"Of course I want to…" Rodney paused as his brain processed her last sentence. "Wait, what do you mean 'Once you get back to Earth.' You just got here."

"You can't possibly think that anyone is going to let me stay in my condition."

"Your condition… You're not sick, Laura. You're not dying. You're just having a baby." _My baby. _Rodney felt the small smirk momentarily spread across his face at the thought.

Shaking her head, Laura caught a glimpse of the of his grin before it slipped away. "Yes, Rodney. I am and this is a scientific expedition. With Wraith, Replicators, and who knows how many other dangers are waiting out there, this really isn't the best place to raise a child."

Rodney couldn't believe what he was hearing. "As for raising children, woman in the galaxy have been doing that for thousands of years even with the threat of the Wraith. Hell there is an entire world with children raising children."

"I'm aware of that. You want to know the truth of the matter, Rodney. I'm scared." Laura let out a sigh. "I was never sure I wanted kids. Yeah I've imagined what it would be like but now that it is actually happening I have to say I am kind of freaked."

Rodney looked at her seeing the honesty in her eyes. "Hey, this is kind of new for me too you know. I won't say that I'm not scared because frankly I'm always scared, but we'll get through this and there is no way I'm going to just let you leave."

"I doubt the IOA and the SGC will give me a choice. Last thing they'll want is a pregnant marine on what they deem one of the most important missions of mankind."

Rodney thought for a moment, "They let pregnant officers still serve back on Earth, don't they?"

"Well yeah," Laura was surprised by the way he wouldn't let this drop, "To a point they do, but this is an entirely different…"

"How so?" Cutting her off, Rodney before she could throw another lame excuse at him. "You're an officer who is stationed in Atlantis. You're pregnant. So what is the difference if you remain in service here or if you go back to Earth? Your duties can be tailored here just as easy as there."

"Rodney…" Laura didn't know exactly what to say. "Why are you making this so hard?"

"I'm making this hard…" Looking at her, crossed his arms, "Tell me right now that you want to go back and I'll drop it."

She had worked so hard to get back here and after all that she didn't really want to go back. Laura shook her head a little as she turned away from him.

"I don't want you to go. And this has nothing to do with the baby. Well maybe it does a little now, but…" Rodney let his arms drop as he took a step toward her. Gently he turned to face him again. "I know I'm not an easy man to get along with. I mean I can be stubborn and arrogant and brash and…"

"Okay, Rodney." Laura couldn't help but smile a little, "Remember who you're talking to here. I know all this already."

"Right." A small smile hit his face, "I want to be there for our child. And by "there" I mean the two of you here, in Atlantis. Look I want to try, I mean I really want to try."

"That's good to know, Rodney." Smiling, Laura gave small nod before wrapping her around Rodney and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sure you'll do what ever you can, but incase its not enough I want to say thank you."

Rodney hesitated for a moment, caught off guard by the sudden embrace, before returning the gesture. The warmth of her body against his caused his heartbeat to speed up. "I…um…It'll be enough."


	11. Secrets Revealed

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Well, its been almost a month again but I finally got it up...**

* * *

"You are out of you're mind, you know that!"

"And you need to learn how to knock." Laura finished tying her boots before standing to face her uninvited guest. "Its not very gentlemanly to barge into a woman's room. Who's to say I was even decent."

"Oh, ha ha. I think it is a little late to be concerned about propriety." Rodney pushed back the images that threatened to distract him. "And stop trying to change the subject."

"What subject would that be?" Turning away, Laura headed toward her bathroom with an extra sway in her step. She knew exactly what he was going on about. It had only been a matter of time before he would have heard that Dr. Keller was returning her to active duty.

"Don't give me that." Rodney watched as she disappeared into the other room. If he didn't know any better he could have sworn she taunting him with that walk. Shaking off the thought, he forced himself to focus, "You know what I'm talking about and I just came to tell you that you're not going."

The silence that fell over both rooms made Rodney uneasy, but not as uneasy as the unexpected smile Laura had on her face as she emerged from the bathroom. Instead of yelling at him like he expected, he watched as she simply began to brush her hair. "I said I'm not letting you go. Letting you go off world that is."

"I heard you the first time." Looking up at him, Laura set the brush down on the night table next to her bed.

"And? Well?" Rodney shifted uncomfortably, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Why? What's there to say?" Laura moved to stand in front of him and couldn't help a smirk as he visibly tensed but didn't back away.

"Um…well to be honest," He had come prepared for another fight so this sudden twist had him a little turned around. Letting out a breathe, Rodney got a small smile on his face. "I thought you'd be mad."

Without warning, Laura smacked him upside the head before stepping past him to grab her jacket off the chair behind him.. "I am mad, you moron. Who the hell do you think you are?!"

"For starters, you're pregnant!" Turning around, Rodney crossed his arms. "And I am not about to allow you to put MY child in danger!"

"Well, its nice to you're concerned about my well-being." The sarcastic undertone of the statement was unmistakable. "I suppose you expect the stork to delivery this baby."

"Oh yes, make jokes because that always helps."

"Well for one, teams have been going to this planet for almost a year without incident…" Turning back to face him, Laura zipped up her jacket. "And two, I don't even know if I'll be allowed to go on this assignment."

"Just because nothing has happened…wait…what…?" Rodney paused for a moment. "Not allowed…why wouldn't you be allowed?"

"Well like you said McKay, I'm pregnant. And that is exactly what I intend to tell Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir before the mission briefing that is scheduled to begin in an hour." Turning Laura moved toward the door and out of her quarters.

"Laura, wait." Rodney followed after her. When he got out into the hallway he moved quickly to try and catch up with her but the pace she had set was making that very difficult. "Come on Cadman, will you wait up?"

Entering the nearest transport station, Laura turned around to see Rodney slip in just before the doors closed. Letting out a sigh, she reached for the control screen. "Shouldn't you be getting back to your lab? I mean aren't you worried one of those other geniuses you have holed up down there is gonna screw up and kill us all?"

"Of course I am, but that's not important right know."

Laura's hand stopped before it could touch the screen. Giving him a small smirk, she teased. "You feeling okay, McKay? Maybe Keller should have a look at you."

"Oh great, now you're back to making jokes." Rodney grimaced as he folded his arms.

"Well someone's wound a little tight. Never mind the infirmary Rodney, maybe you need to take a vacation." Laura smiled. "Go to the mainland and you know get a little sun…"

"Are you about finished?" Rodney cut her off. Not really eager to hear her answer, he pushed her hand aside and tapped the dot on the transport screen that would take them to the Control Tower. As the door slid open he looked at Laura, "Just let me handle this."

"Handle what?"

Rodney's head snapped toward the open door to see the smiling face of John Sheppard. He didn't even have to looked to know that the woman beside him was practically laughing at him.

"You guys okay?" The colonel put on his best smirk, "I'm not interrupting anything, because if I am I can just…"

"No!" Laura spoke up before he could go any further, "No, sir. I was just on my way…"

"We." Rodney cut in with an annoyed tone, "_We_ were just on _our _way her to speak with Elizabeth and yourself."

John couldn't help but smile as he watched the marine shoot a glare at the man beside her. Usually he would just let the pair duke it out but he had a briefing to prepare for and it was already getting late. "Okay Lieutenant, how about you tell me what McKay did this time and then I'll decide if I should let you hurt him."

"Well, sir…" Turning her head to look at her superior officer, she continued "Like Rodney said, this is something we need to discuss with both you and Dr. Weir…" Laura took a quick glance around the control room before turning back to John, "…privately."

John nodded at the seriousness in her voice. Stepping aside he gestured in the direction of Weir's office, "After you."

Just as Laura was about to move, Rodney shoved passed her earning himself another glare. "So much for ladies first…" She muttered at his back as she followed him.

"Easy, lieutenant." Rolling his eyes, John couldn't help but smile as he fell into step behind them.

* * *

"Yes, that's fine." Dr. Elizabeth Weir glanced up from the pair of scientists she was speaking to when the trio appeared at her door. With a nod, she dismissed the scientists, "Thank you. Keep up the good work."

"Well, all three of you." Elizabeth gave a small smile as she mover over to her desk, "I hope there isn't something catastrophic that I should be worried about."

" No, nothing like that." John stepped further into the room coming to rest in front of the glass walls that over looked the gate room. "Of course with these two you never know, but no, I guess there is something these two have to discuss with us?"

"Really?" Elizabeth lifted her eyebrow at him before looking to the pair in front of her. "What's going on?"

"Well, ma'am." Laura glanced at Rodney for a moment then back to the other woman, "I guess the best thing is to just come out and say it. I'm pregnant."

"What…?" Elizabeth looked over at John only to find he looked just as surprised as she felt at that moment. Turning back to Laura, she doesn't even try to hide it, "Why…?"

"I only recently found out." Laura answered the unfinished question. She made a motion toward her head, "It was right after that whole fainting bit a few weeks ago."

"I see." Elizabeth nodded as she looked from her to Rodney and back. "And I guess, seeing that Rodney found you, you felt it necessary to tell him first."

"Well…" Laura's eyes flicked down to the floor for a moment before reestablishing contact with Dr. Weir. As she was about to finish, Rodney cut her off.

"She told me first because I'm the father."

"You're kidding me…" Taking a step forward, John spoke up for the first time since the news came out. "Rodney, you told me you two only had sex that one time."

Rodney gave him and irritated look that is easily changed to horror as Laura speaks up with a smirk, "One night maybe. That doesn't necessarily imply it was one time."

"Oh, God!" The same horror spread across the colonel's face, "That is definitely way too much information! Nobody needs to know…"

"Enough!" Elizabeth spoke up as she recovered from this secondary shock. The room fell silent as she collected her thoughts. Pacing a few steps she turned around to address the group. "This is a serious issue that I doubt anyone including myself ever considered when this expedition first started. Personally I see no good reason as to why this should effect the expedition as a whole or even Lt. Cadman's position here. This would have been different during our first year here when we were on our own, but now that we have daily contact with Earth the final decision may not be mine to make."

Walking back to her desk, Elizabeth continued, "Now we have a scheduled communiqué this afternoon. I'll plead your case, Lieutenant, but I can't make any promises. Until then I think it would be best if we sent another Marine in your place on today's mission."

"Of course, ma'am." Laura nodded her acknowledgement. "I understand completely. And Thank you."

"I wouldn't thank me yet."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Didn't take very long this time. Already had this about half written when I posted the last chapter, but did I little last minute changes. Couldn't think of a title so I went generic.**

* * *

"No, absolutely not. There is no way the IOA will ever agree to this." Richard Woolsey just about jumped out of his chair. "This is a scientific expedition to find new ways and technology to protect Earth. Atlantis is not some sort of settlement to preserve mankind, children have no place there."

"Mr. Woolsey, please." This meeting was not going as well as she would have liked and it was hard but Elizabeth managed to keep a calm and cool exterior. "It's true Atlantis is our best chance for scientific advancement at the moment, but it is ridiculous to say that it is no place for children. It in itself is a massive city. The Ancients worked and lived in their city-ships for centuries so I would say it is pretty safe to assume that included families _with_ children."

"And don't forget about the Athosians." John added. "We had those kids scurrying around for months before we discovered the mainland."

"An excellent example to my point, Colonel." Richard flipped through the rather large file in front of him. "It was one of the Athosian children that released a dangerous energy being…"

"Well yeah, but this is one incident we're talking about."

"Yes Colonel, one incident." Woolsey's voice rose as he cut back in, "One that could have very well ended with the destruction of Atlantis and the death of every member of the expedition."

"Oh, come on…" Rodney scoffed. He couldn't make himself sit back and be quiet any longer. "We take that risk everyday. Every time we turn on some new piece of equipment we could be potentially causing our own destruction."

"That is my point, Dr. McKay." Richard turned his head to look at him. "With so much we don't know, the last we need is some child running around and playing with equipment that even your scientists don't understand."

"_Some child_…" Rodney started to stand but stopped when John stuck out an arm to keep him seated. General Landry had already warned him a couple of times to settle down.

"Give me a break." John kept his hand on Rodney's chest but was starting to find it hard to stop himself from hitting Woolsey. When he was sure Rodney wasn't going anywhere he returned his hand to the table. "You are acting as if we are going to let them run around unsupervised."

"Well that's another part of my argument." Richard leaned forward in his seat. "This child's parents are both assigned to serve on off-world teams. And while I'm sure Lt. Cadman will be required to take some time off, what happens after that? What happens when she is ready to go back to work? Who will take care of this child then?"

Before John could move, Rodney was out of his seat and moving around the table, "I don't know who you think you are, but I'll…!"

"Dr. McKay!" General Landry's voice cut through the room causing Rodney to freeze. "I am done warning you so it is time for you to leave. Now!"

Rodney looked at the general and then to Elizabeth. The look on her face was enough to tell him he had stepped over that fine line again. Grumbling to himself he turned and headed out of the SGC briefing room.

General Landry waited for the door to close before continuing the meeting. Looking at Richard he managed to keep the tension out of his voice, "Mr. Woolsey, I do not believe that it is appropriate to call into question Lt. Cadman and Dr. McKay's parental skills before they have a chance to exhibit them. Also I'm sure if given the opportunity a suitable arrangement could be made concerning their work assignments, but the truth is you make a good argument."

Shifting his attention, the general addressed Elizabeth and John, "While I'm sure everything that can be done to insure a child's safety would be done, the fact still remains that Atlantis can be a dangerous place even for adults."

"General, I'm not saying that Atlantis could ever be childproof. We can't even Rodney-proof it." Elizabeth let out a short laugh before looking to Woolsey as she continued, "When it comes to the welfare of Lt. Cadman and Dr. McKay's child, there are more than enough capable adult who are willing to watch over and protect him. No matter what there will always be someone there who will take care of this child."

"I understand what you are saying, Dr. Weir." Richard tried to get a word in.

"Do you? Because I doubt that." She wasn't about to let him interrupt her, '"Now we can argue over the dangers of Atlantis until we are blue in the face, but that it is not the real issue here, is it?"

"This isn't about Lt. Cadman and Dr. McKay's child specifically. The IOA is concerned with what might happen down the road." Elizabeth was tired of tiptoeing around the underlying issue. "They are afraid that if they agree to this, that if they make this one exception, sooner or later they may have to extend it."

"That may very well be the case, Doctor." General Landry couldn't help but admire how hard the expedition leader was fighting for this. "I can't speak for the IOA, but the US military doesn't make a habit of placing pregnant officers into hazardous situations."

"However…" The general held up a hand to forestall the objection he saw on Elizabeth's lips, "However with the threat the Ori are posing to this galaxy, I'm not entirely convinced Earth would be any safer than Atlantis which I'm sure Dr. Weir was just about to point out. I will explain this to Washington, but in the end the decision is theirs to make."

"Thank you, General."

* * *

"Come on."

Laura looked up from her barely picked over meal tray and gave the man standing beside the table a confused look. "What?"

"I said come on." Rodney reach out to grab her tray.

Laura held the tray keeping him from taking it, "Aren't you suppose to be down in…?"

"Yeah, yeah. Landry kicked me out." Rodney stated in an annoyed tone.

"Kicked you out…? Then in her best southern belle voice, she teased him, "Why, Dr. McKay, you would happen to have been defending the honor of little ol' me?"

"Oh, hardly. There'd have to be something worth defending." Finally managing to pick up the tray, Rodney looked down at her, "Can we go?"

Laura smirked, "That depends. Where are we going?"

"You'll find out when we get there." Rodney waited for her stand before he started moving. "Oh, but we need to make a quick stop somewhere else first."

Walking beside him she grinned, "I think I'm going to regret this."

Rodney glanced at her meal tray in his hands for moment before sliding it onto the dirty dish cart. Shaking his head he smirked, "No, you're going to regret not eating this when you had the chance."


	13. Burnout

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Wow...It has been I long time since I sat down and worked on this.**

* * *

_Flashback_

"_No Way! Absolutely not!"_

"_Damn it, McKay!" Laura yells, unable to hold back her frustration. They have been having this same argument for the last three days. "They need you back in Atlantis."_

"_And I'll go back," Rodney starts, "once they agree to let you go too."_

"_They are not going to do that, Rodney." She tells him as she tries her hardest not lose her temper again. "I'm pregnant. I have told you a million times that there is no way they are going to allow me to go anywhere other than behind a desk at the SGC."_

"_There are desks in Atlantis. You could…"_

"_No."_

"_But, I could…"_

"_I said no, McKay." Laura closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Go." Opening her eyes she tries to keep her emotions under control. "I don't want you here. I can do this by myself."_

"_Laura, I…"_

"_GO AWAY, RODNEY! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"_

_End Flashback_

Evaluating the risks of off world missions is not exactly the most exciting jog at the SGC but someone has to do it. _Yeah like a certain lieutenant with a serious lack of common sense and self control… _Laura Cadman sighs as she reads over the mission briefing laying on the desk in front of her. Her eyes shift to the clock on the wall across the room and watch the thin needle slowly tick off the seconds. "This is my own personal Hell…"

"Cadman…?"

"Yes." Laura's voice is sharp as she looks toward the intruding voice. "Oh…Colonel Carter…I'm sorry. I…"

"Its quite alright, Lieutenant." Samantha Carter says with a small warm smile. "I was just passing by when I heard."

"Heard…?" Confusion spread through Laura's face.

"Something about your own personal Hell."

"Oh…I didn't realize I said that out loud."

"Are you okay?" Sam walks across the room and take a seat in the chair opposite her. "I know we have never really talked but I'm willing to listen if there is something you need to get off your chest."

"I don't know…" Laura shakes her head. "Its just… Has there ever been anything you never knew you wanted but then when you did you knew there was no way you could have it?"

"Actually," Sam smiles again as she thinks about the question. "I think know exactly what you mean." She leans forward and rests her elbows on the desk. "In our chosen profession certain _things_ are harder for us. A lot harder than they should be."

"No kidding…"

"You are a good soldier, Laura." Sam reaches across and gently covers the younger woman's hands with her own. "You'll be a good mother, too."

"I hope so."

* * *

"_I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"_

The words sneak back into Rodney McKay's head as his mind wanders during yet another boring department head meeting. _How could she not want me there? I am only the father after all. _He tries to focus his attention back on the notes on the computer screen in front of him. _Why am I even mad about this…? Its Cadman. Laura Cadman the most irritatingly, annoying woman in any galaxy. Who also happens to be carrying my child…_

"This is so ridiculous!"

"You have something to add, Dr. McKay?" Radek's voice has a hint of annoyance at the sudden interruption as he folds his arms across his chest.

"No." Rodney is aware all eyes are on him but not caring in the least. "This is ridiculous and a waste of my time." He manages to add as he unplugs his laptop and storms out of the lab. _Way to make yourself look like more of an ass…._

"Rodney?"

"What?!" Rodney turns abruptly as he snaps at the voice behind him.

Teyla Emmagan raises her eyebrow at the sharp tone of her teammates voice. Seeing the surprise mixed with his usual sour scientist expression she asks, "Is every alright, Dr. McKay?"

"Yes…no…" He stutters over his answer before finally settling on one. "Yes, everything is just fine."

Teyla tilts her head to the side as she studies his reaction. "No. I do not believe so." A small smile forms as she closes the gap between them. "Come. Let us walk and you can tell me what it is that is bothering you."

"There is nothing bothering me." Rodney counter even as he falls into step beside the Athosian woman.

The pair walk in silence for a few minutes before Rodney looks at the woman beside him. "Am I a good person?" _What the fuck…where did that come from?_

"Of course you are, Rodney." Teyla smiles kindly back at him. "A little hard on the outside but a good person none the less." Another moment of silence passes between them before she poses her own question, "Does this have to do with what happened with Lieutenant Cadman?"

_Shit…how does she know about that? _

"Rodney, parenthood is not an easy task for anyone." She tells him as they come to the end of the corridor. "You must both learn to accept what has happened and move forward."

"So in other words, forget her and move on."

"Do you really believe you can do that? That you could turn your back on your own child?"

"I don't know. What else can I do?" Rodney shifts uncomfortably. "She told me to go. She said she didn't want me around."

"Rodney McKay giving up on something." Teyla smirks at the idea. "I thought I'd never see the day."

"I am not giving up."

"What ever you say, Rodney." She smiles as she turns the corner and walks away from the gaping man.

_I am not giving up._


	14. Desperation

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Just another short, quick follow up. Enjoy.**

* * *

_What the Hell am I doing here…._ Dr. Rodney McKay glances nervously at his watch again as he paces the rather utilitarian hallway. _This has got to be the stupidest thing you have…no…second stupidest_. The sound of an opening door followed by voices causes him to turn around. Watching the various assortment of greens and blues filing out of the room, he spots the one he is waiting for.

"General O'Neill…" Rodney calls as he shuffles toward the crowd.

_It can't be…_ Hearing his name in a rather familiar voice, Jack O'Neill stops and closes his eyes. _Please don't be…_ Turning around he opens his eyes and lets out a regretful sigh. "Dr. McKay. I thought you were in Atlantis. To what to I owe this honor?"

"I'd like to talk to you."

"Really…?" Jack raises an eyebrow in surprise. "You could have just sent an email. It would have saved you a lot of travel time." And me a lot of headache…

"Yes…well, I could have." Rodney rubs his hands together. "But this is important and well…personal."

"Personal?" _A look into the personal life of Rodney McKay. This is the last thing I need._ "You do realize who I am and that we have never really gotten along, don't you?"

"Yes. I am perfectly aware of that." Rodney snaps back at him. "I'm not here to join your quilting circle. I came to ask for your help."

"My help?"

"Is there an echo in here?" Frustration creeps into his voice. "Yes, I'm asking for your help. Call it a personal favor. I want…"

"Stop." Jack holds up his hand to quiet the scientist. "I know what you are going to ask me and I don't think there is any thing I can do to help you."

"You know? How could you possibly…"

"Contrary to popular belief, McKay, I can read." Jack gives him a stern look. "I have read the report from the SGC. I believe that they and the IOA have made the right decision regarding Lt. Cadman. Earth is a much safer environment to raise a child."

"Even if that means effectively cutting the father out of the picture?"

"Dr. McKay, no one is cutting you out the picture." Jack's voice softens slightly. "You have plenty of vacation time that would allow you to…"

"That is not good enough." Rodney cuts him off. "You could order Landry to…"

"Rodney!" Jack snaps back to the his tough CO mode. "I already told you that I support the decision that has been made. Is it the perfect solution? Probably not but it is in the best interest of Lt. Cadman and _your_ child. Now if I am not mistaken you have a job a few billion miles away that need your attention." Turning Jack walks away slack jawed scientist.

"Thanks a whole Hell of a lot!" Rodney calls after him as anger takes over once again. "What if it was your kid we were talking about here?!" He ask to the general's back as shrinks out of sight.


	15. Confessions

**Disclaimer: Stargate - Not Mine, Story - Mine**

**Author Notes: Sorry it has taken so long to update again. I had a case of writers block that caused the voices in my head to start an all out brawl. I hope you all enjoy this little update.**

* * *

Jack O'Neill sits in his small temporary office at the SGC staring at the works on the piece of paper laying in front of him. He has spent the last hour trying to focus on the mound of overdue paperwork that he brought with him. A soft knock pulls him attention to his open door.

"You wanted to see me, General." Lt. Laura Cadman states with a crisp salute.

"Yes, come in and close the door." Jack responds. "Please take a seat." He adds gesturing to the empty chair across from him. "How are you doing, Lieutenant?" He asks as she sits.

"Fine. Sir." Laura can't keep the hint of confusion out of her voice.

"Good." He nods slightly as the room falls into an awkward silence. _Uh..hello…you have to talk. You asked her to come here, remember._

The pair continue to stare at one another for several uneasy minutes before Jack finally speaks. "So… You are probably wondering why I asked you here."

"Just a little, sir." _That and why you are here in the first place._

"Well just so you know I don't make this sort of thing a habit…" Jack starts before jumping to the point. "But the truth of the matter is you have had a pretty rough year so far…"

_That's putting it mildly…_ The thought crosses her mind.

"And your name has crossed my desk a lot. A lot more often than I usually like to see a single name."

"I'm sorry, sir." Laura apologizes quickly. "I'll try not to let that happen anymore."

"I'm sure you will." Jack nods again as he folds his hands together on the desk. "But I have a feeling that no matter how hard you try to through no fault of your own that I will be continuing to see your name a few times."

_God damn it, McKay!_ "I'm sorry about that but I don't think there is anything I can do that would stop that." Have you considering just blocking his emails…?

"I'm sure if you could you would, Lieutenant. Dealing with annoyances like this are one of the downsides to being upper "management" I suppose." Jack smiles a little. "But again that is only part of why I am here."

He pauses for a moment as he collects his thoughts. "I've read the reports, the emails, everything and anything that everyone has sent to me. I have heard every possible opinion and thought that they have expressed. All but one that is. Yours."

"Mine, sir?" Laura asks as his words strike her with a new wave of confusion.

"Yes, yours." Jack affirms her. "I know what everyone else wants now but you. So I am asking you Lt. Cadman, what do want? Before you answer I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I want the truth. I asking you what you want not a superior officer but as just any other person."

Laura opens her mouth to speak but closes it when she can't find the words. "I don't know what I want." She admits finally. "So much has happened in such a short time, it feels like I'm sinking. I mean just when I think I know where I am and what I want I'm thrown a curve and everything changes leaving me scrambling to catch up."

"That's life." Jack remarks receiving a slightly annoyed look. "Cliché, I know. But that is how the world work for the common masses like you and me." He smiles again briefly. "Several months ago you requested a transfer back to Atlantis. Was that purely for your own personal reasons?"

"Yes and no." Laura says honestly. "Not the reason that got me stuck back here. I mean I wasn't aware then. I wanted to go back to Atlantis because of the people there. We all lost someone we cared a great deal for. The difference is they had each other to lean on through it where I was alone. I admit I started to self-destruct. I just couldn't find a reason to care anymore. In the short month that I was back there I was finally able to see straight until…" Her eyes drift down to her hands resting in her lap.

"Do you want to return to Atlantis?"

"Sir?" Laura looks up again, uncertain of how she expected to respond to his question.

"It is a simple question, Lieutenant." Jack states before asking again, "Do you want to return to Atlantis?"

"Yes, sir. I do."


End file.
